Resources
A guide to finding adoption resources from the Tapestry Books bookstore. Find a complete list of all Resources located to the right. Below we have broken down Tapestry Resources by primary categories of interest. Can’t find what you are looking for or have a suggestion for us? Send us your feedback or resource request!
Considering Adoption
Are you considering adoption? Learn all you can about adoption, then ask how to adopt to make the right choices for you.
To begin, to parent a child who needs a home brings much joy and meaning to everyone involved; it is one of the most important, far-reaching decisions an individual or couple will ever make. Some parents immediately know that they were meant to form a family via adoption, while other parents are more comfortable weighing options and gathering information before committing to the process. Adoption research makes for fully informed parents, and adoption preparation helps parents form realistic expectations. All parenting is a leap of faith, however, and at some point of readiness prospective parents simply open their hearts and take the plunge…
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I am Considering International Adoption
There are thousands of healthy girls and boys, and special needs children, in international orphanages who are waiting for adoptive parents. Choosing a reputable agency, and an international program that parents are comfortable with, requires some exploration and some personal insight. Before working on compiling a dossier (official adoption paperwork), parents should examine their willingness to travel internationally to adopt, parent a child of another race, accept a child with special medical needs, and to prepare to help a child grow to potential after he or she has spent time in an institution, or in neglectful circumstances.
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I am Considering Domestic Adoption
Domestic Adoption offers parents a variety of options. Newborn babies are available, often through private attorney adoptions, while older children, transracial children and sibling groups are available through public agencies. The domestic wait for a healthy child is often less than the wait during an international adoption, and usually far less costly—especially if parents adopt from a public agency or from the foster care system. The government also offers medical subsidies to families domestically adopting a public agency / foster child with medical or emotional needs.
Adoptive parents may have the choice of entering into an open domestic adoption with the birthparents, which may be the best possible plan for a child that is beloved by two sets of families. The most successful open relationships abide by thoughtful boundaries, and are guided by the needs of the adoptee.
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Is Adoption Right for Me?
As you learn about adoption and decide how to adopt in method that is right for you, educate your extended family.
A large number of adults come to adoption via a long, hard struggle with infertility. Making the decision to adopt is a positive move toward the baby of an infertile couple’s dreams, but past difficulties, if consciously acknowledged, will make an infertile couple even better adoptive parents.
Extended family may be surprised, pleased or dismayed by an individual’s or couple’s decision to adopt. The negative reactions may come as a shock to the prospective adoptive parents, and may cause some initial friction within the family. Realizing that the extended family may not have moved through the same steps as the prospective parents, and may not have had time to process the new direction toward adoption, will help the adopting couple or single be patient with relatives’ responses.
Single parent adoption choices are not as varied as those for married couples, but there are programs for individuals available domestically and internationally. Savvy singles plan past the adoption process; as sole primary caregivers, singles have all aspects of this central role to consider when investigating parenthood.
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Adoptive Parent Preparation
Adoptive Parent Preparation begins with the realization that expectant adoptive parents can proactively plan to help their adopted children transition into the family with a little upfront advice from adoption professionals and experienced parents.
Once prospective adoptive parents have begun the adoption process with an agency or an attorney there will be a window of time to educate oneself and prepare to parent an adopted child.
Planning ‘how’ to parent is as important as choosing a program or compiling a dossier. Adoptive parent expectations may be based on a long-held dream, but living with a child who is experiencing normal adoption reactions can be overwhelming for a parent who is not sure what is going on or where to go for support. The real rewards and joys of parenting adopted children are huge, but without guidance, the real challenges can also be draining, confusing and depressing. Parenting with perception and knowledge will give parents the tools to tackle the mild-to-major spectrum of attachment and adoption issues, and decrease the potential for parent stress and post-adoption depression.
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Emotional Preparation for Adoptive Parents
Displaying empathy and sensitivity toward an adoptee’s grief over previous losses, and learning how to help the adoptee towards awareness and resilience, are important tasks for adoptive parents in the adoption process.
These tasks may offer parents learning opportunities on multiple levels: in order to help an adopted child emotionally bond, parents need to understand the child’s issues and perspective; parents also need to reflect on the model of their own upbringing so they can consciously make different parenting choices appropriate to their adoptee’s life experience and needs.
Grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings and extended family and friends all play significant roles in a successful adoption. Involving family, while setting clear and reasoned boundaries for the adoptee’s first months at home, may alleviate tensions and set the stage for continued extended-family participation.
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Practical Preparation
Love may be the key ingredient of an adoptive family, but love alone is not enough to be an effective adoptive parent !
It takes effort, patience and compassion to understand the underlying issues and emotions of adopted children, but happily, a mom or dad’s two strongest parenting tools are always available and on-call: play and communication. These two, intertwining tools reinforce each other while gently breaking down barriers to parent-child intimacy.
New babies and toddlers need lots of one-on-one time while transitioning to mom or dad, and play can provide the magic connection. Relaxed, interactive play leads to easy conversation, and utilizing honest, open communication on a regular basis creates a family relationship built on trust. Lifebooks (focused on a child’s pre-adoptive life) and other life narrative tools (children’s literature, videos and artwork) make it easy for parents to delve into deeper conversations about birthparents, abandonment, race and heritage, and to normalize the adoption experience.
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How to Talk to Your Child
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Talking With Tweens and Teens
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Talking About Tough Topics
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