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Author: Christine Mitchell
Rating: Votes: 1197
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Price: RRP: $8.35 Now: $5.45
Written for and Published by Tapestry Books
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“Why didn’t your real mom want you?”
“They’re not real brothers, are they?”
These questions can leave both adoptive children and parents feeling hurt, defensive, insecure, and even angry.
Christine Mitchell’s guide Adoption Awareness: Handling Awkward Adoption Questions and Comments helps adoptive families respond to questions and comments respectfully, without necessarily sharing private information or personal feelings. When adoptive families have the tools to discuss adoption, they feel more confident handling those insensitive questions and remarks.
Ms. Mitchell stresses that awkward questions usually stem from ignorance rather than intentional ill-will. She discourages the use of sarcastic or dismissive retorts - which can send the message that there is something upsetting about adoption. The author also presents sound arguments for families being proud of adoption, yet keeping personal details private. The guide offers several effective strategies that children and parents can use when faced with awkward adoption questions or remarks, including some approaches not found in other resources. In addition, an outline offers the most comprehensive list of potential questions and comments available; each with several alternative responses. They range from questions that are relevant for all adoptive families to those applicable to special situations: transracial, single-parent, same-sex parent, older child, and grandparent adoptions.
The booklet examines situations where adoption comments are tied in with racism, sibling-rivalry, teasing and bullying, and Cyberbullying. It is important to be proactive in starting a dialogue with children about this issue, because kids often face adoption questions when there is no adult present. Furthermore, a child may be hesitant to tell their mom or dad about an incident, fearing that it will upset the parent. Parents are advised to discuss this topic with their child, reinforcing that while adoption is not shameful or secret, each person’s adoption story is personal and it is his or her story to tell.
Parents can review the concepts and examples in this guide and discuss those that are applicable to their family with their son or daughter. The child’s age and adoption story will influence which situations and responses parents choose to explore with them.
Included in this Guide:
I. Strategies to Deflect or Decline Answering Questions
A. Gain More Time to Decide How to Respond
B. Decline to Answer the Question
C. Deflect the Question to an Adult
D. Explain That the Questions or Comment is Hurtful
II. The Humorous Response - at Whose Expense?
III. Questions Asked of Children
A. General Adoption Questions
B. Looking Different - Transracial Adoption Questions
C. Older Child, Single Parent, Same-sex Couple & Grandparent Adoption Questions
D. Handling Adoption Myths and Misconceptions
IV. Questions Asked of Parents
A. References to “Your Own Kids”, “Real Kids"
B. Questions About Birth Family History
C. Questions Based on Misconceptions & Judgments
V. Additional Considerations
A. Transracial Adoptive Families
B. Sibling Rivalry and Hurtful Adoption Remarks
C. Teasing and Bullying
D. Cyberbullying
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