e-Newsletter Signup
June 2008:
Labor of the Heart A Parent’s Guide to the Decisions and Emotions in Adoption
By Kathleen L. Whitten, Ph.D.
“The emotions unique to bringing a child into the family through adoption aren’t obvious at first, but they can create significant stress. Adoptive parents often experience the double trial of emotional responses to infertility and to the process of adoption itself—which one adoptive mother called “excruciating labor with no end in sight.” ~ Whitten
 The cover of Labor of the Heart bullets the content of the book as if it were an adoptive parent’s self-help manual crossed with an adventure-trek vacation guide. Which it is!
• Make crucial decisions with confidence
• Embrace the wait—and build a better foundation for your family
• Separate the myths from realities about adopted children
• Explore the latest scientific research on adoption
• Discover the keys to healthy attachment with your child
• Read about other adoptive parent’s experiences
Adoption is a major, life-changing adventure, and this manageable guidebook does an excellent job of exploring a prospective adoptive parent’s readiness for the journey.
Whitten’s book acknowledges what many “how to adopt” books don’t: the need to understand--and give equal consideration to--what the brain needs to know, what the heart feels, and the practical considerations of the potential issues. Several of the book’s eight chapters (which include The Agony and the Art of Becoming an Adoptive Parent; The Life-Changing Decisions in Adoption; Where is Your Child and Who Will Help You Find Her?) are divided into these three helpful brain-heart-practical sections, and most chapters are accompanied by an Adoptive Parent’s Workbook page for personalizing the reading, and for clarifying individual direction at the beginning of the adoption process.
The author addresses the four ‘negative’ emotions often experienced by prospective adoptive parents, and offers four coping mechanisms. When practiced regularly and concretely, Hope and Optimism, Social Support, Faith, and Happiness will allow a person to move solidly toward adoption commitment and preparation.
Whitten, a developmental psychologist and international adoptive mom, is at her best discussing “the transition to adoptive parenthood and the challenges of making decisions during the adoption process.” Her direct, empathic writing and extensive resources provide the right hit of connection and information, and the short chapters are focused and digestible. Labor of the Heart helps readers spin their anger, fear and frustration into mental and emotional strength during the wait for their adopted child. The book’s weakest point is in Chapter Eight’s “Spiritual Opportunities”, which leans a little heavily on Christian teachings. More universal examples would have included more readers, with the same positive message and results.
Collectively, the reading, exercises and resources in Labor of the Heart shine a light down a sometimes dark and scary path for first-time adopters. Katherine L. Whitten’s professional and personal insights will help readers work through their mental and emotional roadblocks, getting them ready to make a decision on parenting an adopted child. Where the self-help manual and the adventure trek vacation guide converge, Whitten’s book stands above other pre-parenting tomes by providing a structure to effectively address a parent’s supremely important internal journey…the labor of heart and mind, while looking toward and waiting for a future as a family.
-
ADVANCE PLANNING: What New and Waiting Parents Need to Know
MANAGING THE WAIT: The wait to adopt can be extraordinarily stressful. Several international programs have slowed or shut down, and even domestic adoption can present an ambiguous, rocky waiting period. How do parents-in-waiting keep from going crazy?
ICING ON THE CAKE A Parent Prep Recipe: ...adoptees grapple with life transitions at different points during their child- and adult-hoods. Sometime between the ages of five and ten the transition includes a realization that in gaining a family, the child has suffered significant losses. An adoptive parent needs to be prepared and proactive in order to assist their child, she said. Children need help interpreting both their positive and negative emotions and need acceptance for what they’re feeling on all levels. Adoption, my friend added, is like a cake with many layers…
"JUST PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER AND JUMP!" : Another Father’s Day on the near horizon, and sitting at dinner a few days ago reminded me of all the lessons I’ve been given in just a few short years. One of the many important routines that prevail in our family, and contribute much to our often- times slender grasp on sanity, is having all of us around the table for dinner. We know this routine will seem nearly impossible at some point in the future, but for now, with the oldest of our six daughters not yet ten, my wife Ami can make it happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpful Resources
Online training is available to ALL prospective parents through a variety of sources:
Featured Resource for Online Training
Adoption Learning Partners
This collection of award-winning, online education courses provides e-classes appropriate for an adoptive parent’s lifetime learning cycle. Clear, thorough and easy-to-navigate, ALP online classes cover adoptive parent preparation, international adoption, foster care adoption, attachment, transracial families, lifebooks, family conversations about adoption, grief and loss, older child adoption, medical issues, and more!
For additional online adoption courses and resources, please visit
Online Adoption Education Courses and Resources
For a List of Resources to help find a Parent Support Group, please visit
Adoption Support Group Lists
For Tapestry's Picks "Adoptive Parent Preparation Book lists", please visit
Adoptive Parent Preparation
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SUBSCRIBER-ONLY SPECIALS: JUST GOOD READS… …for Father’s Day!
Our Just Good Reads section is ONLY available to Tapestry Newsletter subscribers. Each month, we choose a few best-selling books about adoption or parenting, and discount them 20-30%. With our depth of adoption-book knowledge and our personal service, our Just Good Reads are just too good to pass up! This month, treat yourself, your spouse, or your best mom-friend to Tapestry’s Mother’s Day specials. We’ve chosen a few books that celebrate, inspire and support the crazy, wondrous challenges of mothering.
-
|
